Nazis...I Hate Those Guys!

To all (now apparently 5) of my loyal readers, an explanation for my absence. Well, there was that whole "passing med school thing" from April through May, in which every week we had a final or midterm every week. Then there was that job I got telecommuting/tutoring this kid in prep school in Massachusetts (btw, best $45/hour I'll ever earn, love multitasking on YouTube). There was that awesome Spring Break in Punta Cana, where I won $5 at Blackjack (coming out ahead $305 in total compared to where I expected to be), read Pride and Prejudice for the first time, and witnessed a classmate of mine wearing a terrible banana hammock. Then there was the epic Scrubs farewell post that I had planned for, oh I don't know, ONE YEAR, and then I find out that they're bringing back the show without Zach Braff next year, come on! I had my closure and then they just yanked it away.

But my greatest hurdle over the past few months has been my epic failure to compile my Unified Theory of Nazis in Film whereby I am able to predict, with stark accuracy, the box office potential and critical reception of a film based on the number of Nazis that die in the film. You see, I first postulated Price's First Hypothesis on Nazis about a year ago. I made the observation that the two Indiana Jones flicks in which Nazis were the main protagonists (just check out these scenes from Raiders and Last Crusade) both outperformed at the box office and boded better with critics than Temple of Doom (the new one, which grossed some ungodly amount of money, I will not even legitimize in this discussion as it was so awful). Then I thought about other films in which Nazis make a nefarious appearance: there are my beloved Sherlock Holmes movies, American History X (ok...neo-Nazis too), Enemy at the Gates, Downfall, American History X, Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, Cabaret, Defiance, The Great Dictator, and Casablanca.

According to this logic, you could have understood my rabid appetite for Quentin Tarantino's upcoming Inglorious Basterds, in which a band of Jewish soldiers exact blood-thirsty revenge upon hundreds of Nazis in WWII France. Similarly, now I could understand why (besides that whole Tom Cruise as the lead actor thing) why Valkyrie was doomed to failure from the start, not only did they not kill enough Nazis, but they failed to kill THE Nazi in charge.

As sound as I believed my hypothesis was however, I was troubled by another startling observation that I made, dubbed Price's Second Nazi Hypothesis, whereby I noticed that despite the failure of Nazis to die in certain films (The Pianist, Schindler's List, and Sophie's Choice being prime examples), the emotional impact of the pain that they cause seems to be correlated with their success. I was therefore forced to attempt to reconcile my two conflicting theories, and I squandered for months, until I gave up at the end of classes, approximately 4 weeks ago. It seems that I was doomed to fail to create my Grand Unified Theory of Nazis in Film just as Einstein failed to devise his Grand Unified Theory reconciling electromagnetism with his theory of general relativity.

In any event, many apologies for the absence, and as a sign of my regret, please accept these ten Scrubs clips as a sign of my regret. They should have been posted in ABC knew to just let sleeping dogs lie and not renew the show.

A Random Sampling of My Favorite Scrubs Clips:

1) JD Enters the hospital as a Surgeon: If only being a doctor were this cool
2) I want you to want me: It's the first memory I have of watching Scrubs on its original premier date, and it's a classic.
3) Ted's Band: Just genius. Hey Ya too.
4) Turk vs. the Chinese Surgical Residents: Betrayal Five!
5) Turk's Sex Dream with Eliot: Again, if only being a doctor were this cool.
6) JD's Rerun Dance Fantasy: Come on guys, let's make it happen!
7) The Cool Cats: The best Air Band ever. Also, Turk's audition.
8) If Dani Lives With JD...: Stop being such a fuddy duddy!
9) Scrubs: The Musical: Best musical episode of a sitcom....ever.
10) The Final Scene: A beautiful background song, a poignant final walk through the halls of Sacred Heart, a nice sampling of the shows past guest stars and co-stars, a hopeful look to the future, and some of the closure we all needed after 8 years. Farewell Scrubs, we loved you.